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All they wanted was to just sit, talk and have a drink. I pushed them out the door and over the next few days I had the locks changed.I slept with Sasha’s nightgown as a pillowcase. I hadn’t washed it since the last time she wore it. It smelled of her. Hell, I hadn’t washed anything since she passed. My clothes smelled, as did I. Some nights, I didn’t even get out of bed to pee. I just wet the bed and laid in it until I got up and took my rare shower before going to work.Taking a shower reminded me that my shower buddy was gone. Making something to eat reminded me that my sous-chef was gone. Walking outside reminded me that my hand was cold and empty. At work, I never spoke unless it was for specific business purposes. All I ate was peanut butter sandwiches. My weight was dropping almost as much as my work output.Finally, about three months after Sasha’s death, I walked into the office and was attacked. James held me while Diana put handcuffs and leg shackles on me. I tried to fight. Made me decide to only play with her make up when shewasn't in the house. Feeling like a couldn't talk to mom about my feelings, Icould never bring myself to ask for the canopied bed I wanted when mom askedme to pick out a bed and never got the Barbie Dolls I so wanted for mybirthday. I settled for playing with my friend's Missy's Barbie collectionand inviting her over to my club house for tea parties.My family wasn't all bad. My parents ran both a restaurant and a motel. Onweekends and summer vacation I spent all my time with mom and the cleaningcrew, trying to help them clean the room. Though I was more in the way thananything at that point. It was how I found Puff, my cat who came to me likemagic and I talked dad into letting me keep even though he hated cats. Hesoon grew to love. Puff was an outdoor cat who could disappear for days at atime and often brought use dead mice and birds for presents.The three of us were as close as a family unit could get and would often goon picnics.
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