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.. If I couldn’t have the contract in hand for a week it wasn’t signed.I began playing neck lead left handed and worked the Yamaha GX-1 with my right. I’d had the foot pedals and woodwork removed ... we had George ... don’t need another bass player.Sitting down.“Impossible!” said the lead player from the Royal Toads ... it can’t be done. There’s a tape machine in there.” He was in to see why we were more popular than his band ... we weren’t British. I invited him on stage.“Here, you play ... I’m going to get fancy and I need both hands.”He took my guitar ... I shouted the chord progression twice.And then I started singing. I came to the instrumental and said, “Take it.”The crowd went wild when we started swapping lines ... girls were dancing, guys were dancing ... it was nuts.People would dance until thirst overtook ‘em. As soon as there was a spot on the dance floor someone took it. They were dancing all the way to the water. Thousands of Spring Breakers celebrating rites of passage.. We're put into the same rubber G-strings and triathlon suits and lined up at one end of the gym with our hands on our heads.George has in his hand the remote control that he can use to shock us. As if we needed reminding!While George is thumbing through some papers, I sneak a look around at the others. Carrie has also had her head shaved - it's a relief to find I'm not the only one - but no-one else has a nose ring, at least so far ... Those who notice mine smile and I risk a quick smile back."So, Fifty," — it's George speaking — "no real weight training experience?" No ... Sir."He smiles, but narrows one eye. The "Sir" was obviously expected a bit earlier in my reply."Why not?" Er, well, err, Sir, I mean it's not a thing girls do really, unless you are very sporty..." And do owners like flabby slaves?"Owners. That word again. I get an odd stab of pleasure hearing it applied to me."Well, no, I guess not. But doesn't weight training make you all bulky and not very attractive?" Fifty:.
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