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“They were smoking marijuana?”The monkey nodded.“Anything else?” asked the officer.The monkey mimed a kiss.“They were kissing too?”The monkey nodded his head.“So,” said the officer, “you’re saying they were drinking, smoking and kissing before they crashed the car?”The monkey nodded.“And what were you doing while all this was going on?”“Driving,” mimed the monkey.A couple were driving home late at night in the pouring rain when their car accidentally ran over a badger. They got out of the car to see whether it was still alive, and found that although it was very cold, the animal was still breathing. “What shall we do?” said the wife. “I know,” said the husband. “Put it between your legs to warm it up.” “But it’s all wet and it stinks!” “Well, cover the badger’s nose then!”A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some condoms. She asks, “What size please?” “Good question,” he replies, “ I’m not sure,” “Tell ya what. Right outside, there’s a fence with three holes in it,. No wet ops."I saw the corner of his mouth twitch at that. Inside he actually smiled at such a ridiculous notion. Then he reconsidered and began to think about the possibilities for an unknown teenage assassin with my particular talents. I decided to interrupt that train of thought before he got too excited."Third, I only communicate with Anna or Penny. You guys will have to work out whatever cover story you think best," I explained."Fourth, you work around my schedule. I can't miss too much school or the truant officer will be all over my ass," I told him. He didn't smile, but I could sense him relaxing a little as he decided that my demands seemed to be well thought out and fairly reasonable."Any more ... ah ... rules?" he asked looking down on me from the porch. His attitude was condescending as well, but I didn't care. We would never be friends. However, he would soon be my son's grandfather."Just one more," I said. "I want to be paid for working for you." You want money?" he.
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