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I dont know if I ever will be. He said softly. I sat up to be level with him. It was hard to be mad at him. He was confused, lost, somewhere between gay and straight and didnt have a compass to help him find the way. And, yet, it was painful to realize that what I felt for him might not be what he felt for me. What was I doing? I was putting myself out there even though I knew it might hurt. So am I just someone that youre experimenting with to figure things out? No! Youre more than that. You say that but how do I know that one day I wont walk downstairs to go to school and find you too embarrassed to talk to me because what weve done? That you wont avoid me? He hung his head and I instantly felt like the worlds biggest dick. Why was I always the dick? I scooted closer to him on the bed and put my arm around him. I resolved to be better, stronger, what he needed me to be. Im sorry. If you need time you can have the time. I said in my most reassuring voice. Thanks. He looked a little. "There you go again Susan, trying to keep secrets. Have you learned nothing over the last six months? I have a relationship with Sarah I'm not going to deceive her. She may want nothing more to do with me but that's a risk I'm prepared to take."She shed a few tears "Sorry Harry, I didn't think"I drove back to the house I'd started to think of as home and was cursing myself for what I 'd done. I should've walked away last night. We had a wonderful night and it awakened all the olddesires for Susan. I had always really enjoyed making love with her but the less inhibited Susan of last night had been even better. However, lovemaking isn't everything.I spent Sunday working and trying to figure out what I was going to say to Sarah. To a degree Susan was right there was no reason why I shouldn't make love to my wife but I had told Sarah that I loved her and I now felt like I had cheated on her. The only thing to do was to tell her on Monday morning and accept anything she chose to throw at.
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