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I felt tired and old. The Mistress' games did not amuse me. It was notthe punishment I dreaded; that I suspected would come no matter what Idid or didn't do. The pain of the punishments no longer frightened me,for though I did not relish them, enduring them brought a certainsatisfaction to my lips. Even the humiliation did not bother me as muchas it used to, though I was always astonished by how shameful I felt,especially for a trivial offense. It wasn't even the unfairness of theLady that frustrated me, because I was accustomed to such treatment fromthe ruling class. No, what bothered me the most about the Mistress was that while inreality I had no control over my fate, she made it seem as though I did.She never punished without cause; even if the reasoning was absurd orridiculous, there was always a justification for your punishment. Ineffect, it was not the Mistress who was punishing you, it was yourself,by your own actions, that asked for and received the just reward. If. ," Even though she now knew my secret itwas still hard for me to talk about it but I forced myself say. "Youknow after mum died and I got some insurance money I was so tempted togo to a place in Newcastle that I found on the internet that offers adressing and photo shoot service for CD's but I could not afford it."Bee nodded and commented, "Pity you didn't" She smiled and patted mythigh. "Because I am kind of curious to see what you look like as agirl... With your height, lack of beard and slender figure I bet you'dmake a pretty one."Reassured, I babbled, "I decided instead to save the money and at endof term I bought myself some things on-line when you were away," Ipulled a face and added, "Which as usual I later purged," What about just now?" Bee asked with curiosity burning in her eyes."Post purge depression," I said."Well next time you buy girl things," Bee chuckled. "I want to seeyou!" I looked at her in surprise which made her laugh. "I'm serious!"The conversation halted.
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