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But I kept it hidden as best as I could.Then I became a Christian. This made my conflict even stronger, as I wasinducted into a conservative branch of the faith, and felt sure that myneed for the feminine was a sin. This lead to a cycle of "binging" -getting girl clothes and trying to be as female as I could, followed byguilt and "purging" where I would get rid of everything, only to start upagain a week later, or even sooner.Not only that, I suffered severalbreakdowns, and seriously considered suicide several times.Finally, I realized I was hurting those who loved me by not taking care ofmyself. I got counselling for the abuse, and have finally began theprocess of being my true self. Almost immediately upon making thatdecision, I started reaping positive results. My blood ?pressure, whichwas dangerously high, dropped back into normal range. I have been able tobreathe for what seems like the first time, and it feels even better thanI hoped it would.Not that the road ahead is easy. I. .. family provides security for me here and I will be extra vigilant about where I go and what I do until this passes.”Jim visibly relaxed and changed the subject. “If you don’t mind, son, tell me why a fourteen year old, adopted orphan, is living alone, in Florida, while his adopted family is a thousand miles away in Texas?”That was really the heart of the matter for Jim Bell. I knew it the second the words left his lips, he was confused as to how a family could adopt someone, then send them far away without guilt. Jim Bell was many things, honorable and ethical chief among them. Millie was compassionate and maternal in all things. I could easily see why that drove them to distraction.If it did...It took me some time to form an answer I could live with. When I was satisfied that I could form an answer to such a probing and personally painful question, I tried to be honest without being detailed. “When I was injured at the orphanage and still in the coma, the doctors were puzzled by.
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