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‘Then why not you?’ ‘Look, do I look like a porn star?’ Mandy said she didn’t look like a porn star either. ‘Hey,’ I said, ‘You’re fucking gorgeous. You’re all fucking gorgeous. I’m… like… well, look at me… I mean, what woman would want to fuck me?’ ‘Me!’ said Nancy, very firmly. ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘but that’s different…’ ‘How is it different?’ ‘Well, like, because we’re an item…’ ‘We are now’ she said, with careful emphasis. ‘Like, that’s the point, isn’t it?’ Mrs Price sort of called us to order and said OK, what did everyone think about me doing the fucking. She went round us, one at a time, and if seemed even more weirdly schoolteachery. Lill said sort of dubiously that if everyone else was still in she was. Mandy sort of grinned and blushed and said that actually she was quite keen to go ahead, like because she wanted to see her big scene. Nancy said she’d prefer it because it meant she didn’t have to cheat on me. ‘Hey,’ I said. ‘You were only going to have to fuck one other. I reached down and she flinched away as if I was going to hurt her, but I simply brushed away her lush locks and savoured the scared look on her pretty Asian face. I guessed she was either of Indian or Pakistani descent, I didn’t care, but the light, smokey hue of her skin was extremely attractive to me, as she would have remembered following the TV programme my then wife and I had been on with her some months before.To Buy or Not to Buy is a popular house purchase series on BBC and we had done the usual, getting a free day out at their expense, nosing around a few people’s homes and not buying. However it did provide me with useful insights into what there was available to steal, once I had unpicked the security systems, if any; surprising how many don’t install them.Rani Price and the obligatory male presenter, can’t remember his name showed us round four properties and we’d Oooed and Ahhed over them all, but of course not buying. However this Liverpudlian cow, had flirted heavily.
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