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I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and. Of course they missed her but we think they now realize that we killed her for justifiable reasons. Minako was a good woman in life but we murdered her so that the world could appreciate her bodies’ beauty in death.I had the next target in mind and today is the day we strike. She was another ravishing Japanese lady named Sayaka Goto. I saw her walking by 2 days before and I knew she was the next beauty that we would put to death. She was an actress in a local theatre company. I wanted her to suffer so I hoped our poison would work slowly. Sometimes it doesn’t work according to plan however.The day had arrived. Miss Goto typically walked down a quiet street at lunch. I hoped to ambush her there. It was risky to try this during daylight but I was willing to take the risk. We planned to poison her with a nerve agent. It was affective and deadly. We would rub some in her mouth and hoped it would be sufficient to kill the lovely actress. We would drive the car close so I would shove.
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