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” Hadvar turned his head as a man approached us.“Alvor, my uncle! I’m so glad to see you! Helgen was attacked by a dragon, and my friend and I may be the only ones alive from there. I must get to Solitude to warn them!”“Are you drunk, Hadvar? There are no dragons around.”I spoke up. “The old woman at the entrance to town described it perfectly, black as night. She saw it fly off to the west.”“By the gods, Hadvar! If that’s true, we need to get word to Jarl Balgruuf in Whiterun! We don’t have enough guards here in case of a dragon attack! You must stay and help guard Riverwood. But one of you must get to Solitude, so can your friend there help us with that?” I moved from the shadows, and I saw his eyes open wide. “By the Eight, what is that you’re wearing, friend? I’m a smith and I’ve never seen armor or weapons like that before.” Hadvar looked at me as well, since I was no longer wearing what he’d last seen me wearing.“Armor and weapons like this are one reason why you never see. "My mother shook her head. She sighed deeply."My son is my daughter, and she's marrying a man, and she's going to givehim blow jobs, but there is nothing wrong with any of it. What? Are yougoing to marry a chicken?"Mom!" I'm sorry. But you have every color of the rainbow here, sweetie. Whydon't you just say you're a homo and be done with it? It's 2015, afterall." Mom, if it helps you, you can think of me as gay, okay? I'm Liberace. I'mElton John. I'm Johnny Weir. Deal?" Calm down, dear. I just would have preferred a son who slept with women." I do, mom. I sleep with Mistress Anita sometimes." Oh, for God's sake." She rolled her eyes."And Flower is kind of girlish. I sleep with her sometimes." You are all going straight to hell," she said. "This whole wedding is sogay it should be held at the Vatican."I couldn't help myself. I laughed at that. I reached out and took her hand."I love you, mom." I love you, too, sweetie. But if I had a dick, would you love me more?"* * *That night, I was.
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