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Helena was shouting to god knows who. Cheering like she just won tickets.She took her sweet time dancing around the room, and Pinky was too stunned to do anything until he heard familiar laughter outside, then he jumped out of bed. That's right, he reminded himself. The schoolbus stopped right in front of his house. Everything about his life, when he had calm moments to mope about it, seemed designed to make everything worse. The windows of all the rooms he got spanked in, the paths along the property line of his home, the family he had; Everything was always the worst they could be.But he had started days off worse. He was only incredibly humiliated.Then his mom walked in."Pinky! You take those clothes off right now, and your bed sheets!" AAAAUUUHHHHH!" His schoolmates waiting for the bus and his sister Helena all mocked the trouble Pinky found himself in."I'm going to have to start diapering you huh!" His mother scolded him as he stripped. He knew not to disobey, or he'd be naked. It was amazing how many original thoughts were fuelled by the trips to the wineries.I guess I should mention my caddie. Once I made the Open I called my brother to see if he would like to come and carry my bag. I had used locals in the qualifying but got tired of their attempts to "help" my game. I knew that he knew about as much about caddying as I did, but this was a lark anyway, so what the hell. He jumped at the chance so I got him a suite in the same hotel and we spent the time hanging out and pretending to be real golfers. He is about the same size, a little younger, and has the same lousy sense of humor. We NEVER forego the chance to say "Watson, come here, I need you" to each other. Some things just never get old. I'm not one of them. To say he was shocked by my golf prowess would be putting it mildly, but enough alcohol eased the pain so that he could (sort of) function. It wasn't like I needed to know the exact distance to the hole. I could just keep hitting it until I was.
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