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What was missing from Chris’s house was much in the way of personal mementos. In her office room there were various trophies from the races she’d placed in and a couple of finish line pictures with friends. But in the living room, there was no sense that she lived there—not photographs, no knick-knacks. It was just a bit too sterile or too lonely for me. It made me a little sad. Once I’d finished poking around in Chris’s life, I decided I was hungry after all, so I fixed myself a large salad and a beer and read the new Michael Connelly novel as I ate. Connelly is one of my heroes. If I could write like him, or at least half like him, I could die happy. After I’d finished the food, I checked in on Chris. She didn’t seem to have moved, so I retired to the living room with a cup of tea. If I was going to be up in the night, I figured more beer was a bad idea. Looking around that sterile room from my chair, I shook my head in wonder at the situation I found myself in. When I woke up this. I then said, "Are you ready?" No, but that's the way it should be, go to it!" OK, this is how we are going to do this. I'll count the years. You count the swats. Start at one for each year. If you miss a count, before you get the next swat, the swat does not count. If you skip a year, it does not count and you get an extra swat."Year one." Splat! I had swatted her on the right cheek."One Sir!" Year two." Splat! Splat! I hit her quickly twice on the left cheek!"Ouch! One Sir!" She knew she missed the first one. Splat! Another on the left cheek. "Two Sir!" Year three."Splat! "One Sir!" she was much quicker that time. Splat! "Two Sir!" Splat! "Three Sir!"And on it went. She was doing pretty well until we got to year seven, when she developed hiccups. I stopped and let her recover."Thank-you Sir ... That was six!" and she got back over my knee.I continued. I was not hitting her anywhere near as hard as I could, but she had received enough by Year 11 --for those who ran out of toes that's.
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