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Michal was never really her father, he was just smooth-talking man who impregnated a young woman who fell for his lines and false promises, and then left.Then you came and, like a knight on a white horse, you saved me. Your tenderness and your love enabled me to become the woman and mother I wanted to be – a woman and mother to make you proud. I thought it was merely gratitude at first, but then I realized I did love you – I loved your kindness, your willingness to put up with my moods, your help during my pregnancy, and most of all how you loved me without expectation of love in return, and how you loved little Anna. After you rescued me I was a fool, and for the longest time in that I denied the feelings for you I bottled up inside.When Michal reappeared – again with his lies and promises, I did the unthinkable, the unpardonable – I betrayed you and our love. I will die with the hurt in my heart that I caused you, and with the image of your face when I told you I was leaving you for. I was able to learn not to ask, but I couldn’t stop my brain from questioning.I learned to keep my head down, and accept everything any minder or adult decreed passively to avoid any of the hardships that would merit from causing them to perceive eye-challenge, be it avoiding their eye down to meeting their gaze too directly. There were lots of rules, but there were also painted reminders to help remember them, foot spots on the floor in the open space where we were to assemble for inventory and assessment. Here were revealed any missing, be they too sick to assemble or perhaps worse. I don’t know what happened to them if they were sick, but if I had paid attention to individuals I might notice they disappeared either way.I try not to stick out at all, I learned my lesson early how difficult it could make my life. It didn’t matter if you attracted notice for good bad or rainbow farting, the notice made things difficult.I had heard of a block that had regulation brought down on them.
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