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My mother looks like a Barbie doll. I never understood how I got brown hair and brown eyes because I don’t even look like my mother. I don’t even look like my biological father. I really think she must have fucked the mail man or maybe I’m adopted. I really don’t know, but I don’t look like my mother in any way. I have always wondered if I might be adopted. She of course says I’m her daughter and that she’s my biological mother, but I really don’t know. I do think sometimes that my stepfather might be intimidated by my mother’s good looks. My mother could have just about any man she wants. I really believe my mother has many men in her pockets. She travels so much and is never home so it’s really possible that she's a cheater herself. Maybe that’s why my stepfather has sex with me. Maybe he knows something that he isn’t sharing with me. Maybe he’s lonely because my mother is out of town so much. That is what I tell myself. Maybe he's just a horny man who loves to fuck his. “I need some time to reflect on what you have said, Zinnia. I will see you tomorrow for dinner as arranged, but will not be joining you at the service tonight.”I kissed her perfunctorily on the cheek, and then took my leave.I stalked down Bloomsbury Road, my demon snarling and spitting within me.Fate was sending me to Italy, where I would be able to confront Shelley, and also determine the whereabouts of Becky. Surely, once I found her she would tell me the whole truth, unpalatable as it might be. Could I forgive Becky if she had behaved like a whore? If she used her attributes, so fulsomely endowed by nature, to achieve her goals in life who was I to cast stones? The life I had led had not been exactly saintly. However, the thought of my sweet sister acting like the girls in the Temple at Lincoln was not something I wished to dwell on, although of course those girls who I paid to tumble were, as Becky, sisters and daughters.By Christmas morning I had come to some accommodation with.
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