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As I came abreast of him, driving slowly, I glanced over, caught his eye and nodded my head yes several times. He kind of poked his finger at his-self and smiled, I nodded yes again and motioned him to come over. No one was driving behind me, so I stopped and reached over and opened the door for him. He got in sitting very close to the door. As I drove off, he made small talk, but nothing concerning why I wanted him here in the car. He said he was married and had 3 children and I thought what is he doing here? After about a half hour, and with me nearing the church parking lot, I bluntly asked him why he was here sitting next to me. He twisted around and finally said that he prefers men but he was scared I was a cop and would do nothing to be arrested for. I said "I am no cop, I'm just looking for a release" He replied. "You'll have to make the first move, I'm more than happy to do you, but can't make the first move because I'm scared."I started thinking, What if he's the cop and I. I know you did this for me. Thank you," Oscar replied, almost apologetically. Oscar sat silently for several moments and we held hands. Then he broke the silence, "Do you want to try to see Johan again before he returns to Norway?" "I don't know. Perhaps. Let me think about it." I wanted to assess Oscar's state of mind further before committing to another session with my young Norwegian friend. I snuggled up next to my husband in the back seat of the taxi. After a long period of silence, I said, "Oscar, you know I love you. If you wanted me to never do something like that again, I would honor your wishes. But I enjoyed tonight, a lot. I enjoyed it more than I expected that I would. Johan made me feel things I have never felt before. I'd like to do that again if you were agreeable. But I don't want to lose you, or destroy our marriage. You are too important to me for that." I was deeply conflicted right now. I did love my husband. And I wanted to protect my marriage. But Johan had.
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